The Switch

Hey! If there’s anyone using Tapas app, my story is posted there! It’s a light, slice of life story about living with mental health issues called “The Switch”. If you have time, please check it out and subscribe! It would help me a lot!

The Switch

You can click the link above to visit the site directly! Thank you so much! ❤

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10th Week

It has been a while. Uni takes up 90% of my time, but right now I’m designating a time to write this. My mental health was the worst last month, and I honestly didn’t think I’d pull through it but here I am now, on March, and in 10th week of classes, surviving. I made it.

And so can you.

Recently, I had a switch that I don’t remember. Katherine switched and she didn’t recognize any of my friends at Uni. The counselors and the doctor gathered around her, so it must have been so terrifying for her. Ash talked to them as himself for the first time, too. Aside from that, they have been well.

Do you remember that I made an announcement about Ash and I cooking something to fight the stigma around DID? Well, I have officially launched it on an app, but I’m having trouble getting it discovered. Initially, it’s a comic but since I have little time to make art I figured I’d just write it instead. It’s a slice of life genre story about living with DID. I just want to make it light, because I’m already writing a novel about DID which gives an in-depth analysis of living with DID.

Would you be interested in reading it?

 

 

 

 

Life lately: College University

Hello, it’s been awhile!

I would love to thank some of my new followers. If you’re following me, that means I’m correctly doing my part in ending stigma about depression, anxiety, and DID. I would also like to apologise for failing to keep blogging…

The reason is because I went back to Uni and the gang (what Ash calls us) are helping me adjust. My psychiatrist loved the idea of me going back to Uni and he said it’s great and might help with my depression and anxiety. But to be honest, University life just adds on my depression and anxiety. I wake up every single day, go to class, and get reminded how different I am from everyone else.

  • They seem to know how life works while I don’t.
  • They don’t have to exert effort much to well in classes, while I do.
  • They get enough sleep and when they wake up, I’m sure they feel refreshed and clearly I have never felt refreshed after sleeping since I got depressed.
  • They don’t dissociate with the same level of dissociation I have
  • They don’t lose time.
  • They don’t need a bunch of medicine to make sure they can function throughout their day
  • They don’t fight ableism in their everyday lives.

I can go on, but I think you get my point. I have recently followed #EverydayAcademicAbleism on Twitter and the tweets broke me. Do you know how I feel guilty over the absences I take because my heart is in pain or because my depression kept me from getting up the bed? I’m sure you do. I have a chronic illness on top of my mental health issues and no matter how many times people tell me “Prioritize yourself”, they don’t actually mean skip class.

Having DID on top of it all is hard. Having switches you don’t remember. Losing time. (Thank you, Ash, for switching with me every time I can’t function! Even though I don’t remember) It’s hard. It’s hard to keep up with abled-people. That’s a fact, but I still believe there will come a time when mental health issues are no longer in the dark. The time will come when people aren’t so embarrassed to talk about it. We should talk about it more. We should because talking heals us, in a way. We should because our mental health is just as important as our physical health. Let’s talk more about it. We blog about it and then talk about it.

Also! I would like to announce Ash and I are cooking something up that fights stigma on DID so stay tuned! I will be back this week! Prioritize yourself and that means go skip a class if you need it! And don’t feel guilty. Have a safe and fun week ahead ❤ 

The Journey of Remembering The Trauma

Trigger Warning. Please do read with caution.

It seems like I have to put a trigger warning sign above my head because my life is filled with triggering content. I have such a dark humor.

A month ago, I was suffering from remembering the trauma the CSA has brought me. Now, I barely even recognise the trauma. I think my main alter, Ash, has something to do with my memories. He held my trauma memories for years since I was little. DID isn’t really an illness. For me, it’s a way to cope when I was young and didn’t know how to handle the traumas. Remembering who Ash is made a way for my brain to remember my memories, but for some reason I feel so detached from the trauma memories, like I didn’t have it in the first place.

I guess that’s the main role of Ash in my life, in my head. He got my memories back. He’s in control of them now and because of that, I no longer suffer from remembering it. If there is to complain about, it’s the nightmares I get every single night.  If I don’t take Xanor, nightmares find their ways inside my head. I realised I still have a lot to go through. More sessions with my psychiatrist. Meeting with a psychotherapist. Talking about my CSA, etc.

Until then, I have this blog to remind me I’m not going through this alone. I have a safe space where I can write down my thoughts. I am safe. Have a safe, happy holidays everyone!

On Embracing The Somewhat Diagnosis of DID/OSDD

A trigger warning content ahead. Please read with caution.

If you’re new to my page, we welcome you. To catch up on what has been on my page, we got diagnosed with split personality but that’s not it. It’s DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder or it can be Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder. We guess that we were diagnosed with “split personality” because our psychiatrist doesn’t have the bit slightest idea of what DID truly is. He probably doesn’t even have a patient who has it before I came along.

It has been 6 days since I overdosed myself (didn’t want to die, but I wanted to not be in pain) and it has been 3 days since we were somewhat diagnosed with DID/OSDD. Life has been pretty great. Wow, I am able to feel something now. This is good news, I know that. I feel so relieved to have been diagnosed. I know it’s an incorrect terminology my psychiatrist used to diagnose me, but he’s acknowledging it and he believes me, which is a big of a deal with me. Now, we’re left to find a trauma therapist to help me cope up and deal with the CSA and the trauma it brought me.

I truly can’t say I’m functioning well, but thanks to my alters, Ash, Amanda, Mike, little Timothy, Katherine and Alexander, I’m all good. I have never felt better. Dear readers, wish me good luck in this coming week and the weeks to come. Let’s all be strong together. Let’s fight. We’ll be better, I feel that. Thank you for reading and following, dear readers! 🙂

Misdiagnosed: Split Personality

As the title implies, I was misdiagnosed with split personality. No matter how many times I tell my psychiatrist that basically it is not my personality changing, it is a separate self identity completely- personality, memories, perception, opinions and all. All compartments. I literally have people in my head who is just like me and you—real people and not my personality change. But still, I was diagnosed with split personality. This is so upsetting. I don’t have a split personality who kills at nighttime (like he made an example of) my alters are all real; a separate identity completely.

It seems it’s going to be a long journey until I have my diagnosis correct. It’s very isolating, not belonging to anything. Why are we, humans, crave to belong somewhere? Why can’t I be content to know I have DID? Why can’t I just be content on that alone, knowing my alters are real like you and me? Perhaps belonging is a sign of intimacy and friendship between people. And that is why this correct diagnosis matters to me a lot. I hope to find a professional who will correctly diagnosis me and not upset us even more.

That’s all for now, dear readers. Thanks for reading! Let’s continue to fight!

Arts & Crafts

Hello! Let’s talk about an entirely different topic for now. This week’s theme is about arts & crafts. I have so many talents that I’m not able to do them on a regular basis because of of my University, but now that I have a free time I can do them. Another thing is, my alter, Amanda, is a fashion enthusiast and a fashion designer so we have been designing together from pouches to sleeping masks; to coffee cup sleeves to face towels.

Since I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, sometimes I think I’m not really good at sewing but it’s Amanda who is. The whole purpose of designing and making these is to pay for my mental health care. I don’t have a health card to cover my expenses and I would need some of my skills to earn money.

The photo above is a finished long pouch that you can use for your phones and keys. A face towel; its fabric is really nice and smooth. And a sleeping therapeutic mask (unfinished; without a garter yet). I know we’re not that best at sewing, but we remain steadfast in our goal. If you’d like to order, kindly send me an email @ theneighbourhoodillustrator@gmail.com. Or visit me @ instagram.com/ec.illustrations

If you like what I do, please help me pay for my mental health care! Thank you so much! I will be updating you guys about the other designs soon.